Christmas: One swell day, well maybe it's more like two.

I love Christmas. It's pretty freaking awesome. I have to say that Christmas for my family isn't exatly standard. Don't get me wrong, we do a lot of the normal stuff but it's the things that we do differently that make me really enjoy it so much. For instance, right now mostly everybody is taking a nap, my brother is just about to start cooking the goose, and I'm listening to Creep by Radiohead. Wait now it's the Vandals' version of Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious. hahaha.

First I want to say that this is the first Christmas I've been able to spend with my family since 2007. The last two I was on my mission in the Dominican Republic. I loved my mission, but Christmas is better with family.

Last night was way good. Wait, now it's Change Your Mind by Sister Hazel. Such a good song. But yesterday was good. We all got together at my brother's house. All of us. All 5 of us kids plus the in laws and my parents; I don't know if that has ever happened before. Maybe, I don't know. So we got together and had a big mexican dinner. Enchiladas, both of the chicken and beef varieties, beans, chips, guacamole, and platanos fritos (Fried plantains). Here's the thing, we're not Mexican... not Latin at all. We just like mexican food a lot. Usually we do a piñata as well, but didn't this year.  then we sat around laughing, and cracking jokes.
At one point I jumped on and then laid across the laps of my mom, dad, and little brother and sister. So I was goofing around and laying there and then they all decided to shove me off. Not a big deal really, until I tried to get up and realized that my dad had tied my shoelaces together! hahahahaha!!!
I love my dad so much. He and I are a lot alike in a lot of ways. He seems pretty quiet and reserved, doesn't laugh very much, and generally people think that he has an introverted personality, but he will surprise you. Laughing is so much fun and last night he really got me going when he tied my shoelaces together.

Then we all got to open 1 present. Now we're listening to You Shook Me All Night Long by ACDC.
But yeah, I opened my present last night and it was a gift from my Aunt Dorna who unfortunately wasn't able to come up to SLC because of back problems. I open it up and it's a Darth Vader Bobble-head!!! Can life get better? I submit that it cannot! My 3 year old niece got a grass skirt and hawaiian outfit from her aunt on the other side of the family that lives in Hawaii. She was pretty adorable. Mom opened the present that I got for her which was a pear shaped pendant necklace that had the birthstones of all of us 5 kids apparently. I don't know anyhting about stuff like that I just know that she really liked it. Highest priority on her Amazon wish-list. I don't really remember what anybody else opened last night.

Now it's Nothing Else Matters by Metallica. I love this song.

Then we send Madison (my niece) off to bed so Santa can come. About an hour later she calls to her mom upset and tells her that we're all being to loud and need to go to bed or Santa might not come!

So I go to sleep on the Spiderman futon in her room. she wakes me up at 6:45am this morning very impatient with the fact that her mom, my sister-in-law had told her that she needed to wait till 8:00am. So we talked about different stuff. Loads of fun.

Into the Ocean by Blue October.

We go up stairs and Madison gets a Disney Princess kitchen thingy with all the bells and whistles. So much fun to watch her. She didn't go nuts or anything but she was super happy. We all open out presents and sit and talk and thank each other. Amongst us siblings we drew names and I got my little brother Kaden and he got me.

Smooth by Santana and Rob Thomas.

So he gave me a Muse cd and a book called Mini Weapons of Mass Destruction. I gave him Plans, by Death Cab for Cutie, and also a B.C. Rich Bronze guitar. Kirsten if you end up reading this know that there is a check in the mail for you. Well, actually I need to get your new address from Alina and then it will be on it's way to you.

Rock this Town by The Brian Setzer Orchestra.

In the end here's everything I got (in no particular order):


Darth Vader Bobble-Head
Crazy Pajamas my Grandma Jackson made
Absolution by Muse
A mini-boombox style cd player
Mini Weapons of Mass Destruction
A lactose-free cook book
A Crock-pot (I'm super excited for this!)

A snow-block mold
LED flashlight
Manacure kit thingy
3 mini slinkies
An orange

Sanitarium by Metallica

So yeah, now that I've talked about all the stuff I'll say that...I could've done without any of that stuff so long as I got to spend this time with my family; with the exception of the crockpot and the PJs from my Grandma of course! hahaha ;)

Honestly though, the things are cool, but it's even cooler that my dad tied my shoelaces together, that I've been able to crack jokes with my two brothers and brother-in-law, and laugh with everybody else. I'd take these things over getting any present. Christmas is about more than just Santa and presents, and even though it's really about celebrating the birth of the Savior, it's not just about that either. to me it's about love, joy, and all the things the savior represented, and having it with your family.

Freebird by Lynyrd Skynyrd.

I am a little upset that there isn't any snow outside though. Serious, it's my first Christmas in SLC where it actually snows (unlike Las Vegas or Santo Domingo) and I don't even get a white Christmas. Bing Crosby would be so disappointed. Oh well, maybe next year.

The Reason by Hoobastank.

Well, I think I'm just about done here. Merry Christmas to you all and I hope that all my friends that are out of town have fun with their families and are able to travel back safely.

Oh and I'm assuming that pictures of  all this will end up on Facebook soon.

Man, I can't wait till the goose is done cooking!

Food, Sunshine and Music.

Ready? Set... Go!

I'm seriously hungry... Maybe that's why I'm cooking PastaRoni with fried Spam Lite... We didn't have any milk so I put ranch dressing in instead. It actually tastes pretty good. Too bad I'm lactose intolerant.
Today is my day off, but I already did everything that I really needed to do today, so here I am writing a blog.  I don't think this one will last very long because it's a clear day outside, it's really cold, but it's still nice.

Now it's hours later. The day has been really crazy. My car didn't want to start but it turned out to be something simple and easy to fix. I drove a friend to the airport, thought that I lost my keys. Found my keys.
Wanted to do one thing but couldn't. Had a friend that needed a friend, so I bought us some pizza and ate way too much.  Now we're talking about life and how to live.
Now I'm sitting on my couch, writing, not wanting to write, but wanting to say something.
It was a good day and I feel good about what I did today, but I just wish I could hug somebody and sit and talk about my day.  Wow, that kind of seems emo of me, but you know what? It's the truth.
I think I want to go listen to "Out There" by Sister Hazel.

So here I am.

A Song for the Tired

The mind of a person is an interesting and dangerous place. Especially when it's your own mind. Sometimes I get lost in my thoughts and ride my train-of-thought to some seriously random places. 

The thing is that I let myself think about things a lot... sometimes way more than what is good for me. 

I won't lie, in a lot of ways I consider it a strength. I don't normally act without considering all possible consequences and outcomes, and this sometimes protects me from getting into trouble. Or at least I know what my mischievousness may cause to happen. Like tray surfing... haha... The otherside is that I sometimes wonder if I freak myself out of going for things that could've been because I worry to much about what might be. Hmm... 

I need to listen to something other than Jack Johnson, his music puts me into a reflective mood. 

There, Apocalyptica, much better... well, maybe... Before I move on though, can I just say that Apocalyptica is awesome, they combine two really cool things: rock music and classical music. I love them both. I particularly like string quartets if done well. However I will say that my favorite composer Rachmaninoff does primarily piano music... and that's what I like of his music.

Now I'm gonna jump off of that tangent... Maybe I'l just jump right onto another.

Today was a really good day for me. I feel like I got a lot done. I was able to go to the school I hope to be attending next semester and take care of some registration issues... I have so little left to do. I finally feel like I'm actually starting to progress as a human being. Now that I finally have a real job and will be in school. Speaking of work, I also had a really good day at work. In 7 hours of work I had 6 sales and made about $70 in commission. Two of my sales representing $60 worth of that. Last week I was a little worried about my ability to do well at this job, today made me feel much better. I just hope I can keep it up. I think I can, though. 

Last night I had a dream that made feel really... I don't know what it made me feel... Or rather I don't know how to describe in words what it made me feel. Nostalgic maybe? Mixed with a little concern and an odd desire to better myself... kind of The weird thing is I can't really remember the specifics of my dream. I think I was back in the Dominican Republic on my mission.  People from different periods of my life were talking to me about what I had done to them or for them. Some said good things, others reminded me of how I had hurt them. 

In the end I just had to remind myself that the past is gone. I can't change what is past. I can only change what I am in this instant, to be the best possible man I can be.  There are somethings that have happened in my life that I just had to let go of or maybe even let go the memories of it... No that's not right, not the memories, let go of the feelings those memories cause me to have. 

My mission president told me something my last day in my mission that took me a while to figure out and that I'm still trying to perfect. He told me not to miss the mission. He said I could remember it fondly, but not to miss something that I couldn't have anymore. He told me that he expected me to go on to do bigger and better things that what I had done in the mission. To enjoy my life in the present.  Of course being the good missionary I was I said of course because I wanted to be obedient.

It's a whole lot easier said than done.

You can ask anybody in my family what I was like when I first got home. I was miserable. I didn't want to be home.  I tried to move on, but it was always there in the back of mind. I loved it so much, but couldn't have that life anymore. I felt let down and abandoned.  Obviously it wasn't true. I was surrounded by people who loved me, but I couldn't see that at first. I think that my refusal to see what I had at that moment but instead looked to what I couldn't have anymore hurt the people around me and kept me from being able to move on to the bigger and better things that I had been told I would have. 

What I had missed was that I didn't realize that in order to grab hold of the new opportunities and happiness that waited for me, I had to let go of the past and trust that it would be ok.  Instead I tried to hold onto both strands of my life as the they pulled away from each other and tore me apart.

I can't remember the exact moment I stopped being so dumb and saw the great things that were right in front of me, but I will say this. I don't feel sad and a desire to go back to "the good old days" when I have a dream about that part of my life.  I feel happy about what I did. And I feel a burning desire to do better.  I'm not sure what "better" is yet, but I think I'm getting there. 

So Seth, if you start to feel down, remember that you are doing bigger and better things. You can't go back to the past, you can't undo or redo the past. Look at what is right in front of you and love every minute of it. 

Ok I'm done being sappy or whatever. I'm starving. I need some food in my belly.

I was going to put some pictures in this blog, but I'm way too hungry. Maybe I will later. I don't know if I can edit published blogs or not... whatever. 

Of Sunsets and Things

When the sun sets or rises, sometimes I imagine that the rich vibrant colors that paint the sky is really an expression of love that the sun has for the moon. Weird right? I know I'm kind of crazy. Why is it though that the sun is at it's most expressive, at it's best I suppose you could say is when it is greeting or bidding farewell to the night and the moon? One of the sad, bitter ironies of life though is that the sun can't ever really be with the moon, they're both eternally destined to stand silent watch over the earth in opposition of each other. How odd. I think that sunrises and sunsets are the only time when the two can watch over their ward together. I think thats why I love taking photos of sunrises and sunsets... but mostly sunsets because I'm not often up early enough to capture the night's departure and the sun's morning embrace before the moon slips away.

This is something that I've wondered about for years.  Why is it that when I look at something as spectacular as a sunset, often the thought comes to mind that it looks like a painting? The same can be said of forests, mountain ranges, waterfalls, the ocean, and medley of other things. I mean I suppose that it could be said that the Creator of all paints the sky in rich oranges and reds, mountains in deep purples and blues contrasted with white caps, and forests in dark greens and browns, but why do people say, "Wow it looks like a painting!" Shouldn't we say the opposite? But then I guess we wouldn't have an easy way of saying that the things God created are magnificent.

Why is it that in the dark we imagine that things are different than what they really are? Sometimes we say that evil creatures from unearthly places dwell in the dark places, sometimes we say that things that in the day are mundane and generally go unnoticed transform and become living creatures whether malicious or not is unimportant. Personally I think there is a beauty to the contrast between light and shadow at night. It gives the mundane the opportunity to become striking. All things have their moment of glory I suppose.

In the end I'm glad that That the sun loves the moon and that trees have the secret desire to step out of their ordinary role to become silent kings of shadow. It helps me sleep at night.

The Scheme of Things...

Here I am, sitting in the living room of my apartment, kind of watching Arrested Development... kind of... and I'm bored out of my mind.
And then I thought, in the scheme of things, this is ridiculous.
Wow... I get so distracted, so easily... it's like I have A.D.... Oh look a bunny! Sorry no it was just a squirrel...
Anyway as I was saying,  I was sitting in my living room  thinking and I realized something. I would rather   be doing something productive right now. Honestly, I think I'm completely incapable of doing nothing. It's a trait I realized I had when I was on my mission. On P-days. a lot of missionaries in my mission liked to do things like take naps, or stay at the house and play board-games... Yes I did those things from time to time, but I realized I was at my happiest when I was going somewhere, doing something. It even frustrated my last companion from time to time, who would have rather spent his free time resting. "You can rest when you finish the mission!" I would say.
Here's the thing:
It's not true. I come home from work and sit down for approximately 5 minutes, eat some food and then begin to feel bored out of my mind. I start thinking of things I can do, where I can go to be out of the apartment, or at least something fun to do in the apartment. (Fun to me being having people over to eat or play games or at least watch a movie.)
The problem with this is that I'm not always full of infinite stores of energy. I do feel tired often, but then I when I try to just rest, I start to go stir-crazy.

So what does this have to do with me watching Arrested Development and contemplating life?
Well, I was sitting there think about things I could do that would be productive and it hit me... The only time I would actually rest while on my mission was when I was writing in my journal. The times when I didn't write in my journal I would begin to feel less at ease, more restless.
I have a journal now... For whatever reason though I haven't written in my journal since early September... maybe even August.  However I do spend a lot of time on the computer when I'm bored. Then I suddenly remember, oh yeah the internet is a wonderful thing full of craziness and blog thingies.

Life is an interesting. I think it's because my mind is breaking. I don't know what I'm doing really, but it's what makes life exciting right?

In the grand scheme of things though,  I think that things eventually will be ok.

Well, a friend just asked to borrow some butter, so I'll be right back.

Either way I think I'm done for now.