The things I've lost

The things I've lost,
Forever gone but somehow found,

 In life renewed.

Triumphs left unwon,
But earned with joy.
Clouds hiding the rising sun,
That accent the colors of dusk.
A door that shuts,
Let's me enjoy a walk in the night sky.

As time goes by,
I see why not to watch the ground,
When life has knocked me down,
With head held high
I accept that some things remain unwon
but much of life's song
is left unsung.
The things that wait
shine bright with light unspent
the rising sun burns the sky
and leads to where I go.


These things I've lost,
Forever gone but somehow found.

Hope, or something like it.

It's been an interesting week. School and work are beating me up, I won't lie. Over all I enjoy life though. Things are pretty good. I watched Chitty Chitty Bang Bang for the first time in probably 14 years. I enjoyed it but I think that the people that made it must have been on drugs. Also the Child Catcher gave me the heebie-jeebies. I think I want to be a dad kind of like Caractacus Pots is in that movie. haha. Not that that is going to happen any time soon.

So everything is way good, but I won't lie. I have some serious heartache tonight. I'm going to be more straightforward than I normally am in these things.

I like this amazing girl. It's like she has me mesmerized. I really haven't been this twitterpated in as long as I can remember.

So the problem is that her heart was broken not too long ago. And now she says that she doesn't want a relationship. I think she's worried that I'll just end up hurting her later on. I can't even imagine doing that, but whatever.

Tonight I was sitting there with her and I really couldn't take it anymore. I looked over at her and straight-up asked her, "Do I have any sort of a chance with you?" haha, probably not the best way to go about such a thing, but whatever, I've always been the kind of guy to just say what I mean. She told me that she didn't want a relationship. Hearing, "No" is the worst feeling ever. I told her that I would wait, and I mean to. I don't know if it's hope or just a fool's wish to not let go, but I just don't give up easily.

Here's the worst part. I'm a big giant coward. Every time I see her I want to kiss her. But I don't.

So If you're reading this, know that you've stolen my heart. I wouldn't hurt you ever. I'll win you over somehow. I just hope you don't think this is creepy. I just had to get this out because it hurts.

Tomorrow when you see me, I'll be fine, I promise, but tonight I just wish I was brave enough to tell you to not be so dumb and just give me a chance.

So here's to hope, or whatever this is.

I want to go listen to these songs:

Come Around, by Sister Hazel
Hey Lady, by Thriving Ivory
Non Believer. by the Crash Kings
Killing Me Too, by Sister Hazel
My Skateboard, by the Aquabats
Sing Along, by the Blue Man Group Ft. Dave Matthews
The Space Between, by Dave Matthews
Friend is a Four-letter Word, by Cake
Sad Songs and Waltzes, by Cake
Girlshapedlovedrug by Gomez

There are others, but I can't think of them right now.

And then I'm going to play Mozart till I fall asleep.


Sorry this one is such a downer guys, I'll be better by tomorrow.

Opportunities Lost and Found

I was going to write a blog but I don't feel like it right now. Did you know that I used to write?
In high School my 12th grade English teacher actually tried to get me to publish some of my work. I never did of course, but the thought has always been in the back of my mind. Maybe I should publish a book. Don't get me wrong I'm no Walt Whitman or Robert Frost, but writing used to help me express the way I felt that I just couldn't do with the spoken word. We'll see what happens. I'll probably post some of the old stuff I did first and then once I actually have some decent stuff written I'll put it up. I don't even know if anybody actually reads this stuff anyway, haha. Well, maybe there's one or two of you out there.

This week was pretty good. I finally started school again. I almost thought it would never happen again. Life is so circular and yet everyday is filled with something new and completely unexpected.

Speaking of unexpected things, I find myself captivated with the music of the Beatles. I mean I've always enjoyed their music but for whatever reason I'm connecting with their music on a level that I never have before.

I want to hold your hand.

Anyway, it's really late and I have church tomorrow.

You Can't Make Me Stop.

So here I am sitting here in Andrew's family's gigantic cabin and all I have to say is that this is amazing. I went snowboarding today and I took to it like a duck to water. Seriously, I'm in love. Granted it's only been one day, but that's kind of how I am. Once I know, I know and there's no turning back. The past couple of days have been so good for me. I've laughed so much with friends I haven't seen in a long time. Things are good.

But honestly, it is a bit of a problem that I realized that I love snowboarding so much. I won't be able to stop, when I was going down that hill, it's like everything was better. The stresses that I've been feeling went away and I was good. So where is the problem? The problem is that I have neither the time nor the money to get into a pass time like this. Oh well, I'll figure it out. I know that I can't stop though. I like this way too much to give it up and let a moment become a once in a life-time experience that passes away like snow-flake that melts in the sun.

I just don't give up on things that are important to me so easily.

But yeah, anyway, we went out and Andrew was showing me how to snowboard but all he taught me was how to go forward and turn a little bit. The first time I went down he didn't tell me how to slow down. So I get going and I just start shooting down the hill. So I'm flying past everybody else on the slope and then somebody in front of me crashed so I tried to turn out of the way but I didn't really slow down so I missed them but then I literally flipped in the air and and crashed. My sun glasses flew off my face and landed on my back. When a guy came up and was like, "Whoa! Buddy, are you ok?" I just started laughing super hard and said, "That was amazing!" and I popped back up and kept going. After that I had Andrew teach me how to carve and slow down and stuff and I was golden from then on.

Hopefully, I'll be able to go night boarding in a few hours.

Yesterday was pretty chill too, we hung out in the cabin all day, played games, told jokes and laughed pretty much non-stop. Murder in the Dark and Make that Sound were priceless.

There is something missing though. I can't place it, but it feels like there should be something different. I keep having dreams that I can't remember when I wake up, but the leave me with a desire for something more. That's life though.

Well, I don't have pictures to put in here just yet, maybe I will when I get back to SLC I'll be able to post them. For now though, I'll just keep watching the Sorcerer's Apprentice.

Where we all go

It's the beginning of a new year. A time to start over new, a time to leave behind the things we no longer wish to carry. I've always wondered though, Why is January 1 the first day of the year? There's no solar, lunar or other celestial importance of the day. I understand cultures that started their year on a solstice or equinox. As far as I know there is no historical reason to start the new year when we do. Oh well, I guess I should just take it to mean that we can start a new at any point. There's no need for some great sign to signal that it's time to start over. We can just pick a day and say, "This is the new first day."
It just so happens that we chose to do it in the middle of winter. I wish I had been there on they day that whatever council had met to decided that the new year should start in the middle of winter. I think I would have tried to push toward a date of more symbolic relevance. Oh well.
Another thing about new beginnings and New Year's Day in particular is that while it causes us to look forward, it also makes us look back, to consider all the things that we've done leading up to this point. It's hard to believe that one year ago today I was in Villa Esfuerzo, in the Dominican Republic. It was my second to last area in my mission.
So much has changed since then; I've changed so much in that time. And back then I thought that things would be so different than how they actually turned out. Life is strange like that.
I wonder how this year will turn out. What paths will I follow? Will there be anything big and exciting in my life this year, or will it pass only to be remembered as part of a larger piece of my life? The post-mission period.
I suppose I'm the only one that can determine that though. I am the captain of my future course and destiny.
I suppose that's why beginnings compel us to set goals, resolutions as it were. We all want to plot our own course. We know that things aren't going to work out exactly as we want them, but we set goals to help us do the best we can to stay on track.
I wish that I had time to put my goals here. To tell the world what I want to happen this year so that I can be held accountable for those goals, but unfortunately I have to leave for work in just a few minutes. I might add them on later though; we'll see.
I guess I'll just say that I'm glad that I have this chance to start anew.
It's said that we only have one chance in this life, and in part that's true, but we can always resolve to better starting at the point that we find ourselves, in the instant of that realization.
We all move forward, the past out of reach forever, unchangeable, but for that reason we all move forward, to write the map of our lives and show who we are by what we've done and where we've been.