The Strength Within

Every person on earth has the strength and potential to succeed regardless the circumstances of their life. We know this to be true because we are all children of a loving Heavenly Father. Knowing that we would all have different backgrounds and environments, he provided us with the intrinsic ability to be as he would have us be despite all other things. However we know that no people are completely alike, that their inner natures are different. For this reason we see people in the same environments reacting differently under similar circumstances. Why is that? Why is it that when two men come from the basically the same situation one will go on to succeed and triumph over his trials and the other will fail? 

Life is not easy for anybody on this planet. Everybody has issues that they face and stumbling blocks in their lives, big and small. To some it is the support and upbringing that they receive that gives them the wherewithal to pass through these well, but to others they must look within to find the means to endure. A prime example of this is that of a man named Christopher Gardner. As his story is related in The Pursuit of Happyness, he faced incredible trials. Unable to make sufficient means to provide for his family through medical supply sales, his wife leaves him and his young son. He loses his home and at one point he and his son stay in a public bathroom as their only shelter. Yet inexplicably, he rose up to become an extremely successful stockbroker. (Black, 2007). Where did this strength come from? By all means, he should have failed miserably. The best thing I could think of is love. His love for his son, provided strength that he couldn’t have found anywhere else. That basic human trait, love, that was inside him overruled doubt, despair, and all external forces. Nobody can give you that. Man’s intelligence and strength of character may be in part affected by our surroundings, but in the end it comes from the individual and nowhere else.

Another perfect example of internal moral fortitude comes from a surprising source. Pop culture looks at Mary Shelley’s monster from Frankenstein as just that, a mindless, murderous, monster. The truth is that the real monster in the story was Dr. Frankenstein. Despite the rejection of the one who created him (Shelley, ) despite being attacked by villagers (Shelley, ), the monster initially showed only the traits of a man of honor(). He acted with heroic valor to save a girl(). He spoke of love. The violent and vengeful tendencies came only after extreme mistreatment, and yet he still desired only a measure of peace and happiness in his life(). The truth of all this is that you it doesn’t matter how the world looks at you. Monster or no, we all have the ability to act with love, mercy, and courage.

Now, I’m not going to sit here and say that all people always have such moral fiber fundamentally. We know that no two people are completely equal. There is always somebody stronger, just as we are stronger in certain ways than others. And so there is a dichotomy in the internal man. Along side the noble and enlightening characteristics, there are base, weak, and vile attributes. Going back to Shelley’s Frankenstein, we see this. The doctor had every opportunity to love, to heal and to provide catharsis for his creation, for his son. And yet, something within him caused him to be repulsed. He feared the consequences of his actions, and yet instead of trying to find positive ways to correct his mistakes, he became bitter at the world. I’m sure his parents didn’t raise him to be so malicious, spiteful, and deceitful. And you know the same could be said of many others in the world. Nobody is raised to be wicked, murderous or genocidal. Now I’m not saying that Hitler was just “born that way,” but you can’t blame every evil person’s acts on the way they were raised. At some point, responsibility lies solely with that individual. This just goes to show that the nature of man is not the same as genetic predisposition although in many cases it does play a part. The force we call the nature of man is simply who the person is and the tendencies they have without regard to their upbringing, culture and environment. 

Now considering genetic predisposition, it needs to be said that in many ways this is only a small portion of the current consideration. For instance, in my family, every man that has ever drunk alcohol has had to battle with alcoholism. That doesn’t mean that every one of those people became an alcoholic. I’m not, my older brother isn’t, and though it took him many years of his life, my grandfather was able to defeat that particular personal demon. That’s the point, the nature of man is much more complicated than straight-forward questions of genetics. There are many different factors when considering a the natural persona. Granted in this particular example, the external, or nurturing forces played a huge part in creating the strength to overcome such temptations, but again the final decision to have that beer or not doesn’t come ultimately from what my parents taught me in my youth. If that were the case I would be passed out in a ditch somewhere. Strength cannot be borrowed from others; it comes from somewhere deep in our souls.

Maybe that’s why God provided us with both external and internal sources of strength. The Book of Mormon teaches us that He “shall prepare a way for [us] that [we] may accomplish the thing which he commandeth [us].” (1 Nephi 3:7) It doesn’t say how He would do it. And soto protect us from our more base desires he provides what we would call the positive nurturing forces and to protect us from the world around us He created us with divine potential and character built right in. 

There are other things to factor in when considering the implications of the natural force or persona. What about mental illness? Does it come from the circumstantial environment around  oneself or is it part of who that person is right from birth? Also what about overcoming said mental illnesses? Can depression be overcome with personal determination and intrinsic strength from another part of the mind. I believe so. In Nature vs Nurture: Two Brothers with schizophrenia, it clearly states that genetics can be the cause mental illness such as schizophrenia(Keltner, 89). In this case the genetic predisposition of a person is a main contributing factor to the nature of such a person. However, as previously stated, it is not the only one. This complexity  gives us the ability to wage battle on ourselves. This can often be self destructive as we allow the depression, psychosis, anger, or bitterness to gain the upper-hand. Our intimate relationship with God gives us the ability overcome bitterness, sorrow, and anger on our own, and in some cases the ability to overcome depression, and other illness. Again, we should take advantage of outside sources of strength such as counseling and family support, but this doesn’t excuse us from fighting our own fights and growing on our own.

The nature of man is complex. It rages like a storm tearing down all things around us. It becomes a shield and a protection in times of tribulation. It is what you see when you stare into the eyes of a person who pushes forward against all odds and of him of gives up all hope despite the love and support of those around him. 

References

Black, Todd; Blumenthal, Jason; Lassiter, James; Smith, Will; Tisch, Steve (Producers) & Muccino, Gabriele (Director). (2007). The Pursuit of Happyness. [Motion Picture]. United States: Columbia Pictures.

Keltner, Norman L., James, Christopher A., Darling, Rani J., Findley, Lisa S., Oliver, Kelli. (2001) Nature vs. Nurture: Two brothers with schizophrenia. Perspectives in Psychiatric Care, Vol. 37 Issue 3, 89-84.

Shelley, M. (1818). Frankenstein. Austin: Holt, Rinehart and Winston Harcourt Brace & Company.

Fishbowl

Looking out from this fishbowl,
Everything looks bigger; better than mine that is.
What do I have? Some pebbles, a little ceramic castle.
It's nothing, or might as well be!
They don't seem to compare,
To what they have out there.
But there's a wall that I can't even see,
That won't let me get to what I want.
But I can swim to the top;
I can jump out,
And make it to the outside world.
So I shoot for my goal and reach for the sky.
Success! I'm no longer a captive!
But wait! I can't breathe!
I don't understand; this isn't what I saw that they have.
But I can't go back now.
And now, I don't even remember why I wanted this in the first place.

Simple Things like Love

        Growing up my father would come home from working a 12 hour shift. Tired from a long day’s work, sometimes he would have to leave for a second job a few minutes later. Despite the stress of work, church callings and life in general, I remember specifically that he would usually come home with a smile. Many times he would have his hands behind his back and as walked in through the door, he would kiss my mother and then he would hand her a bouquet of flowers.

“What are these for?” Mom would ask with a smile, and without fail the reply would be, “Just because.” followed by a sheepish grin.

All my life I thought that “just-because-flowers,” regular date nights (even after 25 plus years of marriage), and holding hands as if for the first time were what all children watched their parents do. I never really understood just how blessed I was to have parents that truly love each other; that respected each other. 

What I’ve seen is that anybody can have that type of relationship. It’s weird how in just a couple of hours at my bishop’s home could show that true joy in a lasting relationship is attainable by anybody who is willing to put in the effort. 

Bishop and  Sister Miller, like my parents, are obviously still in love with each other. But more than that, they respect each other and work as a single unit. Like everybody else, they’ve had they’re ups and downs, but are still heading down that road together hand in hand, both literally and metaphorically.  

The thing is that once I realized that I needed this learning experience, they were the only logical choice. I needed an outside perspective, somebody different from my parents or grandparents, but it couldn’t be a couple that didn’t have the spiritual perspective that I had. I needed it to be applicable to my own life. They share the same values and beliefs that I have and so I could relate to the lessons taught. I was hoping to find something new and unique but still familiar enough that it had application in my own life.

When I first walked into there home, it was a little awkward. I had barely even spoken with my bishop or his wife before except to listen to the lessons they taught in church. I quickly realized however, that they were normal people. Within a few moments we were laughing and talking as if we had been friends for years. 

At one point I asked Sis. Miller, as a bit of a joke if Bishop got the door for her and if there were other little things that he did for her she looked me with a sparkle in her eye told me,

“Always. [He] always held my hand and even now we still do. We always date, even now, every week. Which is huge when your married. A lot of people think, ‘Well you date and then you get married and that’s just it but the most important is once you get married that’s just the beginning.’ We know each other better now then we ever did when we were dating. And the only way that you can really do that and not grow apart as partners is to spend quality time together. You can do that when your house is crazy but you have to spend one on one alone time together, every week. Whether you go on a walk, go get ice cream or just time to really learn who your partner is. ”

I’ll be honest, I thought I was half way cracking a joke.  I didn’t really understand how important little things are. Don’t get me wrong, my mother taught me well. I get the door, I always pay for dinner, and I always say thank you, but I didn’t realize that something like getting ice cream could be what holds a relationship together. How could it be so simple? It didn’t really makes sense at first. Life is complex and throws complex problems at you, but I guess the first step is to truly love the person who’s going to be with you for all of it. And to do that you have to do it hand in hand. 

We’re told our entire lives that its by small and simple things that great things are accomplished. If you look at society as a whole a healthy lasting relationship is a huge thing. Truth be told, if people just went out for ice cream, held hands and talked more within their families, the world we live in would be completely different. Think of things that sadly are common-place in our society. Things like divorce, abuse, and general loss of trust in the family are all huge issues that tearing apart society.  The idea of going on walks together as a way to fix these problem seems ridiculous, or at least to me they did. Stop to think about it though. What did our parents and grandparents know that we seem to be forgetting? 

It was interesting to see how they worked together. Just in our brief moments together in the cozy den of their home, I could see how different they really were. It wasn’t fractured, divisive or disjointed, it was balance, a harmony in the song of their life. They worked together like a counterpoint melodies in a symphony, each one providing support and adding to the positive traits in the other.

“We’re actually a good mix because Michelle’s like ‘Let’s go. Ok let’s get it done. Let’s decide.’ I’m more like, ‘No, relax. we got to take time to figure this out.’ Neither’s wrong.” Bishop explained to me when asked about decision making, “she helps me be more motivated and I calm her down so we don’t jump to a decision. We kind of help each other.”  I sat in wonder for a minute as Sister Miller explained the actual process of making a decision, about praying and fasting together and openly discussing ideas. They openly admitted their own weaknesses and were all the more grateful for the strengths the other provided.

Why is it, I thought, that more people don’t get this? Truth was never meant to be complex. Look at the world and you’ll see that we as a whole are missing the mark. I think it’s because we don’t want to accept the fact that sometimes we just have to swallow our pride and admit to ourselves that we have weaknesses. I won’t lie, this is hard for me. I don’t know if I can be as humble as my bishop was in admitting that that there are some times when my way of doing things is not always right. I see now something that has been in front of me my whole life.  I am the type of person that will defend my opinions and decisions relentlessly. The way I reach conclusions is the best, or so I thought. In my bishop and his wife I realized that this, while it can be a strength, it can also be a weakness. Flexibility and the ability to listen to others and even accept their viewpoints is strength. My way is not always the best. Sometimes decisiveness and bold action is called for and sometimes careful consideration is what’s needed. What is always needed though is working in unison, talking openly and respecting the way others make decisions. 

When talking about one the first big decisions they made together, they told me of preparing to get married and of how they stood firm together.

“When we were ready to get married we went to the stake president. I thought he would give us reflection but he gave us three things: pray, scriptures, and temple. If [we] did these three things [we] wouldn’t struggle as much,”  Sister Miller explained, “Can it really be this simple? It really is that simple. I found it really interesting [that] as we’ve gone along and watched friends with struggles, they were the ones that weren’t doing those three things. You can see the pattern. It’s obedience to those things. When you grow up you think it’s complicated but it’s really not.”

I’d been looking for something huge and different, some grand truth about having a successful relationship. The things I’d seen my parents do, and some of the things that they did without me knowing at the time happened here in a home 450 miles away. It really was the simple things that kept them moving forward. The simple things like reading the scriptures will keep you from becoming “a jerk husband” or wife as Bishop put it. I don’t know why these things never really clicked in mind until that moment. The strange thing is that while I always knew these things my entire life, I didn’t fully comprehend them. I’m still not sure if I completely do. Its not one specific instance, its a lifetime worth of them that teaches the fullness of the truth we seek. 

“There is no ah-ha moment,” He told me,  “You know everything. You just have to do it. Very simple... As you practice you get better at it. Then they will fill your heart and your life and there will be no room for evil. Give no space to evil as you do all these things, then you become better and better at it. You become a better father, husband. [You are] not going to abuse [your] family if [you are] applying these things. It’s quite remarkable and simply lay out if we step up and do all of that. Will you be perfect? No!” 

It all made so much sense to me and yet still felt like revelation. I didn’t feel like I was hearing anything new but still felt important. It was just like he told me, none of this was ground breaking new truth. However, hearing it again in a different place and a different part of my life made it really strike me as profound. I looked over into the hallway and saw a large painting of the Savior on the wall. I could hear kids playing in the other room. This felt like home. It felt like home down right down to the silly little dog asleep in Sister Miler’s lap. I could’ve been sitting there with my parents talking about them and asking for advice. I very much felt like I could’ve been in a fireside too. And yet at the same time I could feel myself growing. I could feel that the way I would see relationships, the way I would treat others would never be the same. I guess it just hit me again that truth is truth wherever you go. Love your wife. Love your husband. Lead, and love your children through example. Follow the Savior in the basics. This is how we learn to treat others and where happiness and success in all aspects of life come from. 

In church, Bishop is always telling us that the Book of Mormon is and should be the guiding compass and map for all aspects of our lives, and as I was sitting there in their home. A scripture came to my mind that seemed to compliment everything I’d heard. “I will give unto the children of men line upon line, precept upon precept, here a little and there a little; and blessed are those who hearken unto my precepts,” The Lord said to Nephi regarding the acceptance of the gospel. For the first time in my life I felt that I could physically happening to me. And then I began to think of the doctrine of eternal love. Not all things are meant to be given at once, and part of the joy of life is experiencing it one moment at a time while learning and growing with those we love. We learn more of each other one day at a time.  You can’t just get married and say, “We’re sealed in the temple, everything is going to be perfect from here on out!” 

“We’re basically the same people we were but not really because we’ve grown up. We’ve matured more, and we’ve gone through life experiences. You know what I mean? And as you do that, you can either grow closer together as a couple or you can grow further apart.” Sister Miller explained to me. 

This thought seemed to echo what was taught to Nephi millennia ago. You are the same person, but in order to make it work, you have to grow together, you have to pass through life’s trials one by one together. Each one of these little things will create a bond that will define you and helps you have something closer to the celestial relationships we all seek after. 

“You either go forward, or you go backward,” Bishop said, “Things never stay the same.” You learn more about each other as time goes one until you can know what your spouse is going to say, or feel before it even happens, or eventually things fall apart. Make goals and follow them together.  Listen to one another. I thought I had known all things already, but truths are not something we can hear once then tuck away in some back corner. They need to be reconsidered, repeated, and seen from different perspectives. Living truth is like holding hands with your wife; it has to be something that is relished every possible moment, and it will always bring you happiness no matter what life may bring. 

The things I've lost

The things I've lost,
Forever gone but somehow found,

 In life renewed.

Triumphs left unwon,
But earned with joy.
Clouds hiding the rising sun,
That accent the colors of dusk.
A door that shuts,
Let's me enjoy a walk in the night sky.

As time goes by,
I see why not to watch the ground,
When life has knocked me down,
With head held high
I accept that some things remain unwon
but much of life's song
is left unsung.
The things that wait
shine bright with light unspent
the rising sun burns the sky
and leads to where I go.


These things I've lost,
Forever gone but somehow found.

Hope, or something like it.

It's been an interesting week. School and work are beating me up, I won't lie. Over all I enjoy life though. Things are pretty good. I watched Chitty Chitty Bang Bang for the first time in probably 14 years. I enjoyed it but I think that the people that made it must have been on drugs. Also the Child Catcher gave me the heebie-jeebies. I think I want to be a dad kind of like Caractacus Pots is in that movie. haha. Not that that is going to happen any time soon.

So everything is way good, but I won't lie. I have some serious heartache tonight. I'm going to be more straightforward than I normally am in these things.

I like this amazing girl. It's like she has me mesmerized. I really haven't been this twitterpated in as long as I can remember.

So the problem is that her heart was broken not too long ago. And now she says that she doesn't want a relationship. I think she's worried that I'll just end up hurting her later on. I can't even imagine doing that, but whatever.

Tonight I was sitting there with her and I really couldn't take it anymore. I looked over at her and straight-up asked her, "Do I have any sort of a chance with you?" haha, probably not the best way to go about such a thing, but whatever, I've always been the kind of guy to just say what I mean. She told me that she didn't want a relationship. Hearing, "No" is the worst feeling ever. I told her that I would wait, and I mean to. I don't know if it's hope or just a fool's wish to not let go, but I just don't give up easily.

Here's the worst part. I'm a big giant coward. Every time I see her I want to kiss her. But I don't.

So If you're reading this, know that you've stolen my heart. I wouldn't hurt you ever. I'll win you over somehow. I just hope you don't think this is creepy. I just had to get this out because it hurts.

Tomorrow when you see me, I'll be fine, I promise, but tonight I just wish I was brave enough to tell you to not be so dumb and just give me a chance.

So here's to hope, or whatever this is.

I want to go listen to these songs:

Come Around, by Sister Hazel
Hey Lady, by Thriving Ivory
Non Believer. by the Crash Kings
Killing Me Too, by Sister Hazel
My Skateboard, by the Aquabats
Sing Along, by the Blue Man Group Ft. Dave Matthews
The Space Between, by Dave Matthews
Friend is a Four-letter Word, by Cake
Sad Songs and Waltzes, by Cake
Girlshapedlovedrug by Gomez

There are others, but I can't think of them right now.

And then I'm going to play Mozart till I fall asleep.


Sorry this one is such a downer guys, I'll be better by tomorrow.

Opportunities Lost and Found

I was going to write a blog but I don't feel like it right now. Did you know that I used to write?
In high School my 12th grade English teacher actually tried to get me to publish some of my work. I never did of course, but the thought has always been in the back of my mind. Maybe I should publish a book. Don't get me wrong I'm no Walt Whitman or Robert Frost, but writing used to help me express the way I felt that I just couldn't do with the spoken word. We'll see what happens. I'll probably post some of the old stuff I did first and then once I actually have some decent stuff written I'll put it up. I don't even know if anybody actually reads this stuff anyway, haha. Well, maybe there's one or two of you out there.

This week was pretty good. I finally started school again. I almost thought it would never happen again. Life is so circular and yet everyday is filled with something new and completely unexpected.

Speaking of unexpected things, I find myself captivated with the music of the Beatles. I mean I've always enjoyed their music but for whatever reason I'm connecting with their music on a level that I never have before.

I want to hold your hand.

Anyway, it's really late and I have church tomorrow.

You Can't Make Me Stop.

So here I am sitting here in Andrew's family's gigantic cabin and all I have to say is that this is amazing. I went snowboarding today and I took to it like a duck to water. Seriously, I'm in love. Granted it's only been one day, but that's kind of how I am. Once I know, I know and there's no turning back. The past couple of days have been so good for me. I've laughed so much with friends I haven't seen in a long time. Things are good.

But honestly, it is a bit of a problem that I realized that I love snowboarding so much. I won't be able to stop, when I was going down that hill, it's like everything was better. The stresses that I've been feeling went away and I was good. So where is the problem? The problem is that I have neither the time nor the money to get into a pass time like this. Oh well, I'll figure it out. I know that I can't stop though. I like this way too much to give it up and let a moment become a once in a life-time experience that passes away like snow-flake that melts in the sun.

I just don't give up on things that are important to me so easily.

But yeah, anyway, we went out and Andrew was showing me how to snowboard but all he taught me was how to go forward and turn a little bit. The first time I went down he didn't tell me how to slow down. So I get going and I just start shooting down the hill. So I'm flying past everybody else on the slope and then somebody in front of me crashed so I tried to turn out of the way but I didn't really slow down so I missed them but then I literally flipped in the air and and crashed. My sun glasses flew off my face and landed on my back. When a guy came up and was like, "Whoa! Buddy, are you ok?" I just started laughing super hard and said, "That was amazing!" and I popped back up and kept going. After that I had Andrew teach me how to carve and slow down and stuff and I was golden from then on.

Hopefully, I'll be able to go night boarding in a few hours.

Yesterday was pretty chill too, we hung out in the cabin all day, played games, told jokes and laughed pretty much non-stop. Murder in the Dark and Make that Sound were priceless.

There is something missing though. I can't place it, but it feels like there should be something different. I keep having dreams that I can't remember when I wake up, but the leave me with a desire for something more. That's life though.

Well, I don't have pictures to put in here just yet, maybe I will when I get back to SLC I'll be able to post them. For now though, I'll just keep watching the Sorcerer's Apprentice.