The Good, the Not So Good, and a Moment of Forgetting

Seth Twitchell

Psychology 101-01

21 October 2011

Memory Paper

The Good, the Not So Good, and a Moment of Forgetting

Here’s a good story for you. This is one of the happiest memories of my life. I was on my mission in an area called Ralma and had been there for about four months. We hadn’t had much success in this area up till this point. My companions and I had been working very hard during all this time, but the people we were finding were just not progressing as well or as fast as we would have liked. Well, they would’ve been lining up at the door to the chapel to get baptized and then marking down the days to be able to enter the temple if we had had our wish, but you know what I mean. Anyway, one day, the bishop comes and tells us that another bishop friend of his on the other side of town wanted us to find a certain young couple and teach them. This was cool because Bishop Aybara usually didn’t even give us the time of day. 

So we went and found this family, and they let us in. They told us that the bishop friend of theirs was actually her uncle if I remember correctly. So we began to teach them and find out that they were legally married, a rarity in the Dominican Republic. They basically already lived all the commandments, and easily accepted the concept of the restoration into their hearts. I know, they were golden, right? In fact, within three weeks they were looking up old conference talks on their own, had decided they loved Pres. Hinckley (who had passed away a year and a half previous to all this), and were holding family home evening. The one problem is that when we talked about baptism they said that they needed more time. So at one point we decided to invite our mission president and his wife to come sit in on a lesson with us.

So the day came when President and Sister Antivilo were coming with us to teach them. We had decided on a lesson about faith and the courage to do what was right. We got to the house and began to teach the lesson when the husband stopped us and looked at President Antivilo and said, “Look we know this all true, but we just can’t pay tithing right now. We’ve made a down payment and are just waiting for it to be completed. In a year, when we are more financially stable, we’ll be able to pay tithing and then be baptized.” He went on to explain that they hadn’t shared this with us previously because we were young and hadn’t had to deal with problems like this in our lives yet. He figured that President had lived through these things before though. President had my companion and I share about the blessings of tithing, his wife taught wonderfully about it, and then he shared that he had a masters in accounting was a CPA and had been a director of temporal affairs for the church for many years. “I can tell you definitively, that tithing is not an economic principle. In fact it has very little to do with the actual money. It is is a principle of faith. One that if you obey, the Lord will open up the heavens and pour blessings upon you,” he explained. The Holy Spirit was so strong in that room, I wouldn’t have been surprised at all to see angelic manifestations. The young couple agreed to pay their tithing from that point on.

Within a few short weeks, Angel and Yasmelin were baptized, which is another great story that I wish I had the room to share here. They immediately became strong members of the church and took another investigator family under their wing and helped them prepare for baptism too. A year later, they were sealed in the temple with their infant son. Every time I see the temple, hear about somebody getting baptized or read about tithing, I can’t help but to think about them. 

Now a not so good memory. To start off I should say that when I was nineteen, I nearly died in a car accident. That isn’t the story, but it’s important to know about it. Three months later, when I was finally becoming physically able to be active again, my brothers and I went camping. Just as we were about to leave cell reception, my mother called and told me that a lifelong friend of mine, Beau, had been drinking and driving and died in a car accident. The whole camping trip is a blurred  memory of tears, father’s blessings and mosquito bites. I questioned God why my friend, who obviously needed more time to repent and return to the church had been taken, when I, who was for the most part living righteously had been spared in a car accident where I should have died. I think the hardest part was when at one point when his mother, in her despair had told me that if I had been a better friend, he would have lived. For months I anguished over my doubts and sorrows of the loss of my friend. Eventually, though, through the counseling of my father, grandfather, bishop, and a certain cousin, I was able to repent of my lack of trust in the atonement and regain peace in my heart. I know it’s not my fault and that the Lord needed Beau back to help him and needed me here for other purposes. To this day I still feel sad thinking of him though. In fact, I’m tearing up at the thought of him, and occasionally when I hear songs from bands that Beau had introduced to me or on his birthday or the day he died, I will feel a pang of loss. 

Finally, a moment of forgetting. In high school, I sat right next to this one guy in spanish class. I know for a fact that I had heard his name, but for whatever reason, I couldn’t remember it. So whenever he would say, “Hi, Seth!” I would respond with, “Hey buddy! How’s it going?” Everyday for three years we sat next to each, first in spanish one and two, and then in precalculus and it wasn’t until the third quarter of our junior year that I finally asked a mutual friend what his name was. It was James, by the way. But by then I was so used to just calling him buddy or pal or dude that I just kept on doing just that. Now that I think of it, I don’t even know if ever knew that I didn’t know his name. Maybe I’ll tell him at our high school reunion in a few years.

Who I am

Seth Twitchell

Who I am

Psychology 101

14 September 2011

Unfortunately I must admit that when presented with the question of who I am I often respond with answers that only reflect certain aspects of me. I’m American, I’m a student, I’m a reader, an avid camper, a music lover, a goofy kid, a guest service agent at a hotel. These are not who I am. These are what I do, what I like, or even ways to describe my personality in part. The truth is not so simple. I’m still figuring it out to be honest.  Oh, I know more or less who I am, but every time I think I have a good handle on knowing myself really well, I surprise myself and I realize that there is still so much of myself left to discover. And so I take what I do know and I move forward building more on with each passing day.

This isn’t to say that I can’t give a fairly accurate description of what I am at this moment as far as I understand it.  I’ve been told that under normal circumstances I have a sanguine temperament,  but when left to my own devices I tend towards the traits of the phlegmatic and when placed into a leadership position, (something that until recently in my life I would never have sought out) I become quite choleric. The color typing says I’m a dominant type white with even levels of yellow and blue undertones and the energy profiling system developed by Carol Tuttle tells me that I’m a type four with a strong type one secondary energy type. I could go into details about what that means but to be honest I’m skeptical of the idea of being defined by other people or even being able to categorize myself. The truth is that when put into a leadership position, I take command and become a strong leader. When with a friend in need I become a comforter; when at play I’m loud and silly, witty and goofy. I am a multifaceted person. I defy any person to try to define me and I will undoubtedly show them that I don’t fit into their little pattern. That is who I am. 

So my position still stands; I don’t yet completely know who I am. But I know enough. I know that I am a son of God and therefore have divine potential. A God in larval form as it were. I know that I am the son of Ward and Susan Twitchell, two loving parents. I know that I love myself. I know that I am a seeker of truth. I know that I’m willing to stand up and fight for what I believe and yet I’m willing to concede to being wrong if shown the ere of my ways. I am generally happy, but there are days when I fear and am sad. 

I know also whom I wish to be but am not yet. I will be a father, a husband, and pillar of strength in my family. I know that God has directed me to eventually go on to the field of psychology to so that I can help His children understand themselves and live more wholly, although I must confess I know very little about what it is He wants me to become. I know I would also like to be a figure of some renown in the world of public speaking or maybe  a leader in the political theatre. I hope that some day I will be a man who is remembered by others as being wholesome, wise and strong. And so while these are not currently who I am, the fact that I hope to become these does shape the person that I am at this moment. I guess that saying these things would make me be a hopeful and ambitious person. 

Looking at myself I see now a little more clearly and see that I am what I am and that is good enough. I am smart. I am funny. I am strong in some ways and weak in others. I am and will be eternal in the courts of my father. I am a jokester at times and a sober man at others. I can be charismatic with some people and shy with others. I am Seth Adam Twitchell and there is no better definition of me.

I'm way too tired to be awake right now.

Look at who I am,

Consider the scars I have.

Know that I move on.

I do not regret

The decisions I have made.

Love I've held and lost.

God gives me the will

To do the things that are hard

So that I'll have peace

I'll always recall

The heart is the core of life.

Think back on it now.

Peace is all I have

Hard things are all I can do

To be what God wills.

Love lost what I held.

Making the choice has given me

Strength against regret.

It moves me to know.

Having scars makes me concede,

I am what you see.

The Man I Want to Become.

I wonder sometimes if the idea of being an honorable man, a man who stands for he believes in and is the pillar of his family, has past into category of being quaint and old fashoined. Whatever happened to men that honor God, treat women with respect, who would die to protect others, and who are loving yet firm fathers?
Fortunately, I've had the privilege of being surrounded by men of this caliber my entire life. By watching them, I've learned what I should be. From my earliest memories, I've seen my father, grandfathers, and uncles do the things that many men scoff at doing.

I've seen my father work so hard to provide for us, and come home to help mom with chores and play with us kids even though he was tired. This didn't happen as often as I imagine that he would have liked  because he often had to work two jobs, but I always knew he loved us. And now in the past few years I've watched my older brother Clin become a great example of a loving yet firm father. He laughs and plays with his daughters but also is teaching them to be be obedient and faithful children. Then of course is my grandpa, I know for a fact that in the nearly 60 years that he and Grandma have been married, he's not once raised his voice to her and that he still does the dishes side by side with her. I know that they counsel together in all the things they do as equals and that he is still falling in love her. My hope is that I can become worthy of standing with such men someday as a husband and father.

Now there are many other men that have been examples to me in this regard, I previously mentioned my uncles, but I should point out others too who have shown me what I should become. My brother in law Jason adores my sister and is a wonderful father. My mission president taught me so much and showed me that I could be a capable leader if I depend on the Lord. And to all you Neals (especially Bucky, Robert, and Dave): I love you as if you were my own family; please know that you have inspired me to be a better man.

If you translate directly from spanish, the apostle Paul said to the people of Corinth, "Be ye imitators of me, even as I am of Christ." And Christ himself asked the Nephites, "What manner of men ought ye to be? Even as I am." In this mortal life  I never have had the privilege of being in the company of Paul, or sitting and learning at the feet of the Master, but I when I imagine what they were like, it's the traits of those men who have taught me. Or rather I feel that these are men who have learned and are still learning to be the men that their God would have them be.

A man should be strong, and yet unashamed of weeping at the appropriate moment. He should be willing defend what he believes to his very last breath but still respect the opinions of others. He should be bold and lead others around him to righteous places, and still be humble enough to follow the counsel of others. He should be strong in his opinions, but willing to admit his faults and change to correct them. He should be unshakeable in his faith and obedience to God and should love his family with his whole being.

I wonder if there were more men who were like this, in what state would we find the world today?

And so this is my call, my pleading. On this day that we have set apart to recognize fathers and father figures, I stand as a man who is still far from becoming what he wants to be and implore others to become the manner of men that we ought to be. Let us become husbands, fathers, sons and brothers who are the strength and foundation of society and will be able to stand before our God unashamed of what we are.

Let's Rock!

Before I say anything else, let me just say that Jack Black is awesome. I just finished watching School of Rock and I think that I want to be in a rock and roll band so I can melt some faces... But you know, in a good way. Now with that said, I'll move on to the true topic.

I like to describe myself as having an indomitable spirit. I really think that I am an awesome person. Some may even say a little narcissistic, but I'll just call it a good strong self-esteem. I'm not going to let anything that anybody else does or says bring me down. It's just who I am. I believe that I, being who I am, am worth something. And while I previously mentioned being narcissistic, that isn't the point. It's not just me. All people are capable of being worth something. And it's not anything that anybody else can measure. How much money you have, what you're studying to become, or what career you are in, or where you live that matters. We can all rock and be awesome and be the kind of people that other people admire.

A friend of mine once told me thatsomething she learned. She told me that it doesn't matter what you do, you could sweep floors for a living. What matters is that no matter what it is you do that thing to the very best of your ability. In fact, she said that if you sweep floors, you should sweep floors so well that angels take note and say, "There is a man who labors well and is valued above all."  And to my dear friend, if perchance you read this, sorry I slaughtered your quote. But the vibe is still there.

The point is that thing that makes a person great isn't what they do, but the manner in which they do it. Now how exactly this is accomplished, I'm not sure. I'm still working on becoming awesome, although I am quite close.I think that it has to do with working as hard as you possibly can at whatever it is that you are attempting. And not only that, but you have to enjoy it. I know that I will never rock at sales. My heart just isn't in it. I feel that I'm amiable person, that I'm decent at communicating and pretty good at getting people to do what I would like them to do. But I don't like doing sales, so I'm not going to excell in that. However, I do like helping people, so then I know that when I get into my chosen career path someday, it will be something that I will be able to strive at.

And so I say, don't worry about what other people think. Do what you love and be the best at it. Work at it so hard that it makes you come home exhausted and ready to sleep. It's what I did on my mission, it's what I try to do now. Love what you are doing and love the people around you that are building you up. Rock at teaching, kick butt at checking in guests or driving a taxi. Learn to express yourself in whatever you do as if it were an art. Even if you don't make a dime, peope will see that and want to be around you.

Now with this, there is a warning. Don't overdue it. There must be balance in all things. If you the "live-to work" type, make sure that you live to live to and go do something not work related from time to time. Wrestle your dog, go swimming, or cuddle on the couch with someone you love. Or if you're more like me; more of the "work-to-live" type; make sure that be amazing at who you are includes working hard and being professional at work.

In the end it all just boils down to loving what you do and who you are in every moment.

So remember to work and laugh and joke and never give up.

Dreams

The dreams of man are an intriguing thing. They can be a place of refuge from the stress and cares of the world. They are a veritable trove of creation, desires, happiness, and love and yet can be a den of fears, worries, and can even disrupt our peace in our waking lives. 

I've experienced all these in my own dreams.

I often dream of what may be, or at least what I wish will come to be. 

I'm just a simple man though, I don't dream of wealth or power. In fact, of late I've dreamt most about things like fatherhood, owning my own home, and of course, riding a velociraptor around the city while hunting down killer polar-bears with laser-shooting eyes. (That one was very strange... I think maybe I ate too many frozen burritos before going to sleep) 

The point is, I wonder if the desires I have in my waking life cause me to dream these things or if the dreams I have, have led me to have the desires of my waking life. 

The more I think about it, the less I'm sure of either one being exclusively right. 

And so I dream, and dream I must. For without it, the stars would not shine to me, and my heart would fail.  It's when I sleep that the love in my heart shows me what path I should take. The only time the creative part of my souls is as active is when I go to the temple. And that usually only applies when I go with specific questions in mind that I have previously studied out. Often my dreams feel like answers unbidden. They come to me and show me what I should be seeking, what I didn't even know I could have. 

I think that God knew that I would not always know which questions to ask and so from time to time He gives me a nudge in the right direction. Often using my dreams to cause me to wonder, and speculate, and eventually come to Him with the decisions I've made and more questions. 

Anyway, that's all I really have to say about that. Other than I think that listening to Mozart makes me overly-philosophical to a point of unintelligible incoherence. Sorry if I made no sense this time. I'll write a more normal blog next time... maybe.

The Observations of a near-sighted man.

     Life is an interesting thing. The path that it leads us on has so many twists and turns that it is impossible to easily see where you are going and often it is difficult to see how you've arrived at the current location. This isn't to say that I don't enjoy said path or that I would have it any other way.

     I've actually been meaning to write this for a while but things have been so hectic that I haven't had the chance until now. And the only reason I'm writing right now is because I can't sleep despite the fact that I'm exhausted. Bare with me if I make no sense.

Life for me has recently given me a pretty good spin. I think that maybe I'm still a little dizzy from the things that have happened. At least I'm pretty quick on the uptake and I think I'm headed forward again. 

     See there's a trick to it all you know. They call it rolling with the punches, but I don't know if that's what I would call it. It's more like laughing at the black eye, and learning  how to block that particular punch for the future, and then laughing even harder when the same thing happens again. And it will happen again. haha. However, eventually we do get the hang of things. 

     In my own life, I've seen this several times recently, and in several aspects of my life. Several of the girls that I've taken on more than a couple of dates have rejected me specifically so they can focus on dating other guys. I can think of 3 in the last 8 months or so. I still consider myself a friend to all of them, and I don't begrudge them in the least. 

     I will never fault anybody for following their feelings. In fact I'll encourage them to do so even if it sucks for me. 

     At the same time I don't regret my time spent with them. If you take a chance and put yourself out there, there is nothing to regret. Regardless of the outcome, you take take something from it and use it to grow and become a better person (learning how to block the punches). 

     Now you would think that I would be wary of moving forward. Or at least it would stand to reason that the wise thing to do would be to stop poking the thing that keeps zapping me. However, I have no plans of retreating or even slowing down in my life. Why would I want to? 

     You may not agree, but I feel that emotionally trying times (like being unemployed for 3 months) or even emotionally painful moments (like the afore mentioned circumstance concerning my dating life) are really a good thing. They've taught me things about myself that I never knew before.  

     The point is that some days just throw tons of life experiences at you and these Life Experience Days show should be remembered as markers on the trail to show me where I decided to take a turn and let the twists in the path take me to places I've not yet been. I decided long ago not to fight against it. You might as well try to push your way through a cliff face. 

     Now reading through what I've written up to this point it seems like I feel that all life experiences are unpleasant. This is absolutely untrue. Many are completely delightful. These still can cause life to take you in a different direction than originally planned.  These moments should be especially be noted and remembered because they are often overlooked and eventually forgotten altogether. Sometimes they are harder to define as well, like the moment when you laugh so hard with a friend it makes you cry, or blowing bubbles in a park. There are important things to be learned there if you look carefully.

     Where am I going with all this? I don't know. That's the point. I have a vague idea of what I want but am willing to let the dream grow and develop until it becomes a better reality than I could have imagined. And I say better meaning that it will have will show the bumps and scrapes that I've gotten and sketchy situations I been in to get there. Those things make good things that much sweeter.

     Anyway, It's nearly 2:00am and I'm finally starting to feel tired. 

To any of you who may be reading this, I hope you've enjoyed my little insights and opinions. Remember to laugh when life give you a moment to breath, and smile when it takes your breath away.